Having a bad cruise experience is the pits and I should know.

My worst cruise experience was a ten-day Victoria Cruises riverboat excursion on the Yangtze River in China. My experience was ten days on a decrepit boat (the floors buckled!) where only one crew member spoke English while visiting attractions that were utterly meaningless and boring. Oh, yea, I couldn’t eat or breathe either. Pollution in this area is so awful that the air is white and not once did I see the sun even though it didn’t rain. I found local Chinese food unpalatable.

How did I end up in this dreadful situation? Didn’t research the trip or the destination before departure.  I didn’t realize that there’s a good reason most Americans take a three- or four-day riverboat cruise with foreign cruise lines like Viking River Cruises, that the pollution is horrific (especially along the river where factories spew fumes) and that local Chinese food leaves a lot to be desired, especially for Westerners.

I’m not including personal emergencies, like someone getting sick, accidents and problems like loss of a job or family strife that certainly will cause you to have a bad experience. The items below concern personal choices that lead you into a situation that results in a bad vacation experience.

1. Cruise with someone you’re not compatible with
I don’t know why it is but on todays enormous cruise ships we’re more isolated with our traveling companions than we were on small ships. In the past it was easier to meet people and form bonds that can relieve the pressure of a contentious relationship. In my opinion, if it’s a toss up between taking a cruise and seeing a divorce attorney, choose the latter. If a rebellious troubled child doesn’t want to join the family on a cruise, leave him home.

2. Pick a Cruise Ship Based on Price Alone
You may get lucky and love the cruise ship you wind up on … but you may end up spending thousands of dollars on a ship you don’t like. The most important considerations in picking a cruise ship are your personal lifestyle and interests. For example, if good food is a priority head for cruise lines that serve the highest quality fare such as Carnival, Princess and Celebrity. And, while the best ships for families with children are Royal Caribbean’s new Oasis/Allure of the Seas, steer away from them if you have a problem walking long distances or want an intimate cruise experience. Couples seeking a low-key, more sophisticated experience or prefer fewer kids should lean towards Celebrity, Princess and Holland America. I also recommend these ships for those seeking a dressier travel experience but if even the thought of getting dolled up makes you wince, opt for Norwegian Cruise line or Oceania Cruises which have a more casual dress policy.

3. Bypass Travel Insurance
Why should you buy travel insurance? Because life happens when you’re making other plans. In all likelihood you’ll have a problem-free cruise but these are a list of things that can not only cause you a great deal of money but negatively impact your trip: 1) your flight is cancelled or delayed causing you to miss the ship; 2) someone in the family gets seriously ill causing you to cancel the cruise; 3) you or one of your traveling companions gets ill during the vacation; 4) you loose your job and must cancel and 5) lost luggage. And because your agent and the cruise line urges you to get travel insurance, once something happens and you’re in the non-refundable period you won’t get a nickel back.

4) Decide That Cruise Ships Are All Alike
In terms of vessel size, you’ll only find the best kids programs, extensive entertainment options, big casinos and lots to do aboard the largest ships in the world. On the other hand, if you seek ports where you don’t have to be elbowed by thousands of other cruisers, head for smaller ships that visit more exclusive places. If you visit Alaska aboard a large cruise ship, don’t be surprised if you don’t see whales, eagles, dolphins and moose. It’s tough to see anything when you’re a dozen stories off the ocean. It takes a small ship to get up-close to nature.

5) Don’t Invest the Time in Picking a Terrific Travel Agent
While Carnival takes direct bookings — not recommended! — in all likelihood you’ll have to book your cruise through a travel agent. Many agents at the other end of 800 numbers are simply order takers and yes, it does take a bit of effort to find a great one (I recommend asking for personal referrals).    This is what a good travel agent can do: tell you about terrific deals on cruise ships you didn’t think you could afford; steer you toward ships that match your personal interests and lifestyle; get you upgraded to a better cabin; advise you on air transportation that ensures you arrive before the ship departs; warn you about common pitfalls like booking a ship you won’t enjoy or taking the wrong itinerary; increasing the odds you’re getting the best price possible and being a critical contact if anything goes wrong.